In that month and three days, I have applied for an insane amount of jobs, internships, independent contractor work and nothing seems to be working out. This is scary to put out into the world because of the fear that I don't seem good enough for anything.
But, I've come to a conclusion. It's not the jobs I am being offered...it's me.
You would think that after four years of college, I would have figured out what I want to do with my life but you're sadly mistaken. Now that I am graduated, I see college as a time to figure out a basic direction you want to go in life (i.e. your major/field). This allows you to become well-rounded within that specific field and gain the experience needed for an entry-level job. But, for me, I'm not so sure if I want an "entry-level job at a big corporation". In all honesty, I have no idea what I want to do at all.
I've been offered salary jobs and interviews at agencies but I always chicken out in the end. I don't want to feel stuck or like I can't leave the job if I don't like it. I do know that I can leave whatever job I get if I don't like it. It's not like I'm signing a binding agreement that says "you must stay at this job for the entirety of your twenties and never experience things other twentysomethings are experiencing!!" But, for some reason, that's what it feels like and it's honestly terrifying.
Now, I have accepted the fact that it is OK to take some time after college to figure out what you're doing and not get a job right away. If you would have seen me in February and March, I was a job applying fool - driving myself to the point of exhaustion because I was writing so many cover letters and resumes.
But, after I got one big rejection from a company I really wanted to work with, I took a minute to step back and breathe. I tend to over-exhaust myself and loose sight of what I am really working towards when it comes to my career goals. So, I have forced myself to take at least the summer as a breather from taking on a full-time job and just explore my options.
There is nothing wrong with that.
So, I guess the point of this post is just to confirm with myself that not knowing what's right for me right now is OK. I don't need to get a 9-5 job right now.
I also hope this post comes across some other recently graduated twentysomething's timelines and makes them feel better about being as equally as confused.
We're young and we're confused, but that's OK. We have all of our lives to work in a field we love - so let's take the time now and figure out exactly what that is going to be.
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